Today is the 31st December 2009 . It's officially the last day of this year .

Looking back, it indeed was a roller coaster ride year for me, so many ups that make me happy like ever before, but yet the sad part never fails to tag along . I've done things that i never knew could be so right until people tell me, and also things i knew it was so wrong i could be killed . Not trying to be exaggerating here but i'm talking from my heart . This year was a year to train me up, next year will be no different . I foresee i have even more obstacles to overcome, which i eventually will, it's the matter of time and my perseverance to the problem .

There're so many things left undone, so many things left unspoken . But time waits for no one, reality changes for nobody and fantasy wakes zero people up . Another year, another time, another fresh new chapter for us to start .

I want the best for my mom this year, no one else . I want her to be happy, that's all . I do not wanna dwell into details because there're simple too many for her . She might not have told me all, but some is enough for me to worry what she's been going through while i party my life away . I dare say, i live for people around me . Without them, i am nothing . Thus, i am grateful to people who helped me, who hate me, who betrayed me, who did all the things to me, thank you . You people made what i am today, now, this minute and this very second .

It always is and has been a day of reflection for me on the last day of the year . I wonder if anyone felt the way i do, because the minute the clock strikes 12 midnight tonight, i will feel brand new, fresh and really ready to start everything new . It happens every year when the first second of the time comes, i have no idea why, but i just feel it . Perhaps, it's the way i think and do things, that result me to let go of the past and start things new .

Happy New Year to everyone and anyone . =)

P.S. The missing husband part is piling up so high i think i'm gonna burst soon, perhaps, this means i'm soon getting sick of clubbing .

Today is the 27th December 2009 . It's four more days till this chapter of 2009 closes, then shall the new one starts . I still remember the time i blogged a post and typed the year as 2008 instead of 2009 . And now, it's gonna be 2010 .

It's like, when you want things to be fast, they ain't, and when you want them to be slow, they speed up like never before .

It's a couple more weeks before the class takes on the final exams and each go our own ways, less than two months perhaps ? Makes me recall on the happy and sad times i had actually . No doubt there will be things i don't like, but that made up part of my life after all .

Nevertheless, i still wanna thank people who made my day my life my school ever so happy - my very own clique . They're just unbeatable . We're the boomzers . =) .

I'm so bored, but i guess i have to sleep early tonight because my husband wants me to . He says if i don't get used to sleeping early i'll be super late when the school starts again . So yeah, i'll just have to be a good wife and sleep early . =)

Good night to the world . =)

Today is the 25th December 2009 . It's Christmas Day . =)

Merry Christmas Everyone ! !

Christmas Eve Party was wild !

Met up with Sean and forum clubbers at Clarke Quay station at 9.30pm . Waited for the rest to come while the forum group makes their final decision whether to go Rebel or Double O . As for me, i'm confirmed for Double O, and i've got Sean, Rahu and friends . So then all of them reached and decided to go Double O, we walked down . Entrance was $25 for girls and $35 for guys that night, i suppose it would be the same for New Year's Eve . While we reached and entered, Koh Jin and gang were at Double 2 . They had their stamp there cause it's cheaper and with drinks but entry age is 23 so i hadda missed that cheapo part .

In the club, lotsa malays for the night, not trying to be racist here but sometimes they play too hard till they spoil the mood . We hit the bar and i toast beer with Sean and guys . One, two and three glasses of beer . Crowd started to roll in, the staff came up to me for sale of party spray, those white line foamy stuffs . I got one bottle of those and trust me, everyone stand clear of me . LOL ! They were so scared of it somehow . I gulped down another glass of beer and hit the dancefloor with the rest, together with my ''weapon'' . We danced like shit even though we didn't had much alcohol . The atmosphere is just too high till everyone feels high . As the time drew nearer to midnight, the DJ broke and threw dozens of light sticks to the dancefloor and everyone was practically picking them up coz we are desperate for it to get attention . Haha .

I've got four light stick to myself . =P .

I danced and danced and 10 minutes to midnight, i went up to stand on the platform . Everyone was so high by then . Count down starts and i started spraying my bottle of weapon . Haha . That's why i stood up the platform, one, i wouldn't get as much sprays as those on the ground level dancefloor, two, easier to aim and attack whoever you want . LOL ! After the countdown, i went to the bar and i saw Koh Jin's parents ! I said merry christmas to everyone i know and head to the washroom to clear myself of white stuffs .

I had two other Flaming Lambo and a jager bomb which i forgot when i drank them, but i know after that we went out and got ourselves a drink and Koh Jin dragged me to Dragonfly and i hadda leave my forum friends .

It was so much fun . =)

Photographs now .

Im sorry to show my panty . LMAO .

And this is Koh Jin with all the light sticks .

Alan genna raped . This is how adults have their fun time . Haha, other than sex .

Me and Koh Jin dancing while Sean in the middle was doing a i don't know face .

New Year's Eve comes another round, not at Double O this time, Koh Jin and gang wanna avoid the malays so we're going to Dragonfly . Well, i guess it's bottles again . Martell or Hennessy with champagne . Eeks .

Well, i hope everyone had a nice Christmas . =) .

Today is the 23rd December 2009 . It's the eve of Christmas Eve . =) .

If one really believes in Christmas, will he get to see Santa ? Perhaps .

There's no harm in believing, but i guess it's the harsh reality of life that makes one falls out to believe miracles do happens in this world . However it is, as long as we are leading a good and happy life, that is utmost important .

My flight to Brunei is confirmed . My trip to meet my husband during the Chinese New Year days is so looked forward to . I'm flying on Singapore Airlines on the 12 February and returning on the 17 February, which means to say i'm gonna miss a day in school .

I know my husband is super excited about me going over, it's written all over facebook and his MSN . So am i . =) . As long as we stay happy, nothing else matters .

A friend of mine send me a song to share, and it's really a nice song i must admit .

Nice day to all . =)

Today is the 22nd December 2009 . Three more days to Christmas . =)

Perhaps it was me being sick that result in my hot temper these few days, things just seem so complicated than ever and never ending . I wanna say that i'm sorry to my husband for being so unreasonable . I know i was . Some how i made the problem his problem, so i got angry instead of him getting angry .

Well well, i just hope everything will fall into place eventually .

Two weeks in a row with long weekend, i'm totally in holiday mood ! Luckily this semester we are free of major tests or exams, else wise i'm sure to fail it . How can someone who likes Christmas miss Christmas ?

I just received a parcel . The door bell rang and my Dad answered it, not knowing who it was and calling my name, i went out and took a look . A post man . . . hmm, opened the door and saw my name on the labelled parcel . I smiled . Signed the paper and locked the door . My Dad was pestering me already, asking me what that is and who it's for . So i answered that i have no idea and it's for me . Back in my room, my Dad's like my shadow, following me where i go . I sat down with a wide Colgate smile and opened the card box .

A small rectangular box wrapped up in white foil in the middle secured like a diamond . Picked it up and looked at the sides . One side says : 16GB, the other side says : iPod nano 16GB Black and the details . I knew i almost jumped up in the air but i couldn't because my short is very loose and it will fall to the ground if i jump . While my Dad kept on asking me who's it from, i took out the side packing list and glance through . Ship To : Tay, Chantel . . . Ship From : Online Apple Store . . . Sold To : Ong, Terence .

Gift Message :

Dear dear, I might not be with you this Christmas, hope this present would make you happy. And i miss you lots & lots. I love you always. MUACK

Unwilling to tear apart the white foil, i pushed the plastic box out from the side, slowly removing the transparent sticker securing the plastic lid and took out the nano . The best Christmas gift so far . I took out the nano and handed it over to my Dad, he check it out like a professional and pressed the button . The screen lighted up and he returned it back to me . LOL . I swift my thumb over the round panel navigation and the screen reaction was superb . I flipped the nano around and smile even wider . A printed message on the nano itself : My Dearest Wife, Chantel . I Love You Always .

I know i made the right choice . Not because i will get freebies like this, but because i know i will be loved . =) .

Your effort to surpise me happy works @ 80% . =)

Today is the 21st December 2009 .

I am officially sick . Refused to admit it for the past few days that i am but now i guess i have to . No matter how sick i am, i am not missing Christmas .

Perhaps some one will really come to you and comfort you when they're in the same boat or similar . This is why i often refuse to get angry and say out any discomfort that i feel .

I have a problem with authority . If i can overthrow authority, everything is fine, i'll do what i wanna do . If i can't, lies will start coming . Being a person who doesn't like lies at all, or even to the extend of hating it, i don't wanna even thing about lying to any one .

So much for being troubled for a night .

Party went wild last week . Went Zouk and Phuture last Wednesday, vodka orange and a surprising flaming lambo served up, just a reminder, i've gotta work the next day and wake up by 7am . Friday to Double 2, then to Double O then to Dragonfly . Double 2 is the new club at Gallery Hotel or something like that, it's so small ! It's almost the size of Phuture's dancefloor only, and entry age for girls and guys is pushed up to 23 years old for both . So i heard about news of Double O closing at end of January 2010 and moving over to Double 2, i hope it's an false alarm . So far, Double 2 is the smallest club i ever seen . Then to Double O wasn't high enough and couldn't get high because of some issues . Drank a bit here and there and had jager bomb with the floor manager because it was his birthday that day . And Dragonfly as usual .

Saturday came and it was Sean's birthday celebration . Walked from Clarke Quay to Double O . Entered and was welcome by a handful of introductions, and i saw my friends there too, they went there because they were kicked out of Zirca and Rebel . We had fun, they drunk Tequila but i reject my share because i don't like Tequila . Then came one for one hour and i ordered a flaming lambo for the birthday boy . He drank down two flaming lambo after the bartender decided to help me fight against him drinkin my share . A few of vodka fruit punches came around and beer . Mixtures of these and that and finally boom, i got retribution . Sean ordered me flaming lambo and it's still one for one hour . Drank both flaming lambo and headed to dancefloor . Dance it off and woots, it was nice time . My friends and i were having fun and so was when a guy went up to Sean and tried to kiss him . LOL ! From his story, he said he rejected kindly but the other guy still insisted, so he got mad pissed and pushed him off . I saw what happened and thought Sean was gonna picked up a fight . I walked over and pushed back Sean, but he was strong and he was scolding that guy and moving towards him . I pushed him even stronger and he tried to explained to me what happen by shouting in my face . People thought we were fighting and the next group of dancers came over . They were all guys and i was like wow, so drama ! Haha . I didn't want any trouble so i made a wave with my right hand and the group of males back off ( so drama ain't it ? ) and i tried to calm Sean down, but he was still angry .

And that's when he got me pissed . I shouted at him and stared hard . LOL . According to him, he got so worried he used his handphone and told me what happened and eventually apologized . So everything went back being crazy fun and we went home after that .

This week is super party week ! CHRISTMAS IS FINALLY HERE ! My throat is gonna hate me, coz i'll be drinking again this Thursday .

Au voir for now .

Today is the 20th December 2009 .

Anyone felt like bursting over being controlled ? Like you're only left with doing what you really like and now you have curfews over doing them ? If there's anyone, or someone, my heart goes out to you .

I live my life for 19 years . I gave 16 years of which studying like a freak, dressed up like a 101% total nerd ass hole and mommy's girl . I scored in school and hit off 'O' levels with a good result . And i told myself i need some time to let my hair down .

I started drinkin at the age of 17 and really found that i have interests in automobiles . Partying makes me feel that life can go this far, it's like a sweet reward after a long day's work . Cars wise, VTEC, I-VVT, manifolds, mufflers, turbo, supercharger, i read them up myself and try to understand them . It was fun and eye-opening, though i'm still learning .

That's about it all . I suck at school now, always getting border line passes, but nevertheless i did try and make an effort to attend school .

Right now, it's like every move i make is a wrong step . So after i become married i'm have to change to another person ? Seriously, i didn't know one has to be a hypocrite just because of marriage .

So what if i club ? So what if i like cars ? I just wanna be myself, MYSELF !

From the day i signed on that piece of paper to get married, i know what i can do and what i can't do . I can't have sex with other guys but i can go out with guys as friends . I can't dirty dance with guys but i can still go clubbing .

I've tamed myself enough for you . From handful of flings a week to nothing right now, from smoker to non smoker, from drinkin till i drop to drinkin a bit . Appreciate it or not, up to you .

I wish i was immune to all troubles .

Today is the 14th December 2009 .

Haven't been sleeping well for the whole week due to tests, but after tests ends doesn't mean rest, it means fun time .

Met up with forum friends last Friday for a dinner and chill out session at NewYork NewYork, spent some cash, then head planned to go to Supperclub but there was an event going on, Loof bar was full, so we hadda walk to Harry's bar at Chijmes to chill first . Spent again . Then returned to Supperclub and spent, again . Took 3N night rider home and it cost me $4 . Reached home 3am, slept at 4am .

Saturday came . . . woke up at 12.30 noon and was out at 1.30pm to Aljunied . Reached home 10pm, showered, changed, make up-ed, head out at 11pm to Double O . The night was fun, reached home 6.30am, slept at 6.45am .

I'm all cashless now . Maybe that's how i wanna feel ?

I don't know . PMS sucks .

I'm all tired out, having sore throat and stuffs . Heavy head coming up .

Nevertheless, i'll be fine .

Today is the 9th December 2009 .

Ever since that Zouk clubbing with forum friends, one of the guy has been treating me real nice . Yeah yeah, he likes me . Daily quotes to motivate me, good morning texts that i received on my phone even before i wake up, good night calls that i answered . He said my voice is his daily lullaby, says i'm pretty and always chat me up on MSN . He knew i'm married the second time we met, nevertheless, his heart tells him to do what he wants to make me happy .

I was at the esplanade library studying since 11am till 5pm . He came to the library with a muffin in his hands, wanted to surprise me . He came in, i was packing, ready to head off, didn't met him either . I only realized he's there to surprise me after i left and received the text . Head to level 1 and saw the balloon writing stuffs - write your wish on the balloon and they'll float them on the waterfront near the Merlion . I wrote my thoughts, stood up, and saw him sitting at the sofa behind me, waiting . I turned and walked away .

I freaked out .

Every girl wants to be well liked, guys holding flowers up to them . Who doesn't wanna be liked ? Today, romance caught up with me and gave me a pat on my shoulder . Until this day, i never thought romance is one thing i'll be afraid of . I always asked myself, where's my romance ? Why doesn't my husband send me 99 roses and bring me to high class restaurants for dinner ? All i get so far is a bouquet of 3 roses wrapped in paper with a stainless steel necklace for my birthday, or perhaps you wanna count in the lilies i held on my wedding day .

I realized i'm afraid of romance, so afraid i don't wish to ever receive it again . It's a direct link to the past i had . That past that had long been tattoo-ed down in my memory chart . I'd rather not have even one rose, than to have a normal bouquet of rose .

Being romantic, is horrible, because if you can't do it well, just scrap the idea, especially if you're someone without the romantic element in you . I don't know how i should put it in words to describe but i really seem scared of it .

Always remember this, especially my husband : for those things you wanna do for me, proposal or whatever date any surprise or whatsoever similar, please . . . if you can't do it 101% perfect, don't ever think about doing it . Perfect or nothing at all .

So back here about today, after i ran away, i splashed a chilling pail of water down his heart . I totally asked him to stop wasting his time on me . I had to . . . . and i felt totally guilty, for i am his first crush ever, he said i'm his first love, but i prefer it to be a crush .

I still am . . . guilty . Anyway, i know this post makes no sense at all, because i don't even know what i'm trying to write here .

For this guilt, i cleared an obstacle to save my marriage . How much test does god wants to put on me ? I tried hard, but they seem endless .

Today is 8th December 2009 .

Firstly, i really wanna thank all those who shown concern about my accident happening .

I'm gonna try and name all of you .

My younger sister, Sky, Adrian, Shirley, Martin, Royston, Patrick, Robin, Wei Hao, Kenni Tan, Vivian Ko, David Huang and not forgetting Koh Jin who called me and tried to ask about what happened . A few listed above are friends of my husband .

Risingixa, Rayky, Krked, Constanceling, Burntheplanes, Alinexx, larren, Alford, huii_89, whoozy and tapfer . These are all friends from forum that i went clubbing with that night . Despite the accident involves none of them at all, and that my husband is strongly against me clubbing with them ever again, they still showed concern .

Biggest thanks to my Er Jie for paying my medical fee .

Thank you, all of you . This is ever the first time i received many care and concern from the people around me . So i'm grateful, to everyone and anyone that made this possible, even so god may be on this list .

My parents are left unknown about this . I just hope everything will be back to normal as soon as possible .

Today is the 6th December 2009 . And today, i learnt something, real and hard .

Went clubbing with forum group of friends last night at Zirca/Rebel/Lunar . A friend of mine drove me there, he's one of them clubbing too, but rest assured, he's married as well . I met him at 11.40pm and Bukit Gombak, but coincidentally, Kenneth called me at 11pm so i met him with JuanRu and Miguel before i head off .

Zirca was nice, except i was shivering like mad when i first entered, as usual . Gobbled down a glass of Tiger with straw and felt better . Head to Rebel and it was squeezy, though not as much as before, but still, it is . R&B makes me high with alcohol, so i stayed there for a while, but guys never fail to come near and hold my waist . So i went to the washroom to escape .

Er jie called me and said she's near by at Clinic bar so i head out to fetch her in . Locked her bag up and we entered the dancefloor . Guys . . . again . So i had enough and asked my sister to go lunar for her drink coupon claimed . After the drink, we returned to Rebel, and the guys is just so irritating, and we decided to head back to Zirca, more space, less crowd .

I lost my friends because they were so dispersed, so the two of us stood by the dancefloor and laugh out heads off at how people dance . Some shufflers are damn cool too . A guy approached my sister and asked us to join them at the table . Well, we were too bored to reject, and its still early, so we did . I'm sorry, my love, if you're angry at this . We had a few glass of martell and they were really strong, like they were trying to get us drunk, so i told my sister we try to drink lesser . 4.30am came and we decided to head home, the guys drove us home .

Half way, he drifted a couple of times, like showing off or something, with a stock lancer . And finally, he went 150km/hr and tried to overtake cars . Just so happen that that area, cars were kinda more than usual . Finally, he squeezed through and overtook 2 cars and bang, the car spin one round . Car stopped stationery in the opposite direction of the traffic flow . I asked my friend to start the engine and head off before TP comes, but engine is unable to start up .

I was at the front passenger seat, my left index finger got stuck in the gap between the door and the front cabinet, i couldn't cared much because i felt pain and pulled it out . The spin was so unexpected i hit my head hard on the back . Left door couldn't be open so i exit by the driver's door . Once out, i walked a few rounds and squat down by the first lane, looking out for taxi .

Caught one, flagged, it stopped and i told my friend goodbye . I stood by the taxi door and blurred, leaned against the door and fell, for a moment i couldn't stand up because standing up makes my visual and strength dropped to its lowest point . My friend held me up and ask if i was okay, he was saying a thousand times of sorry . I totally didn't wanna wait till TP comes or whatsoever . Up the taxi, i told him to drive me to the 24 hours clinic near my house that i know .

My finger is swelled up and numb, couldn't bend like normal . Doctor says i've got a blood clot at the back of my head for the hit . 3cm by 4cm big . My sister was fine, i'm glad for that . Doctor's fee came up to $91 bucks . And my sister paid for me .

Like, this is the last time i ever wanna be in another man's car .

I felt, disappointed, in myself, if i hadn't been greedy for the free transport home, nothing would have happened .

Came home at 6.45am, slept laying down on my right, because my left head hurts . My mom came into my room, and i tried to act as if nothing happened, because i wouldn't want her to be worried .

I thank god i'm of no serious injury, and i guess x-ray is not necessary even though i've got the referral letter .

At this point of time, i was dying to be with you, but i know it's not possible .

Today is the 4th December 2009 . Second post for the day and i'm so pissed .

Does it shake the world if i don't study for my test now ? Do you die if i fail my MST ?

Sometimes i just don't get it why people are so hardworking, well, maybe some are over thrown by the fact that people without high qualifications are being fired so they study like mad, like someone in my class .

Me, Tay Jie Min, does not wanna earn big bucks . Yes you got me, no big income amounts . I just wanna be able to live normally, eat and sleep enough, everything else the same, that is all .

First of all, i'm not a study freak, and i'm absolutely not of any single tiny bit of study material not my head my brain my breast my hands my fingers and not even my pussy . Get it ? So stop asking me to study study study and read stuffs on a Friday night when thousands are partying with beer out there .

Secondly, i admit i'm not doing what a student should be doing, but i'm just trying to be who i am . Clubbing is my hobby, and naturally weekends are the days i look forward to every week . Weekends are what keeps me going, so asking me to study on a Friday night is like asking a lion to drink milk .

Perhaps i have no rights to say this but it really annoys me when i see someone studying like a total chiongster like reading thick books from library about what we're studying and studying for test 2 weeks before the actual day . Those people who always pass exams with colourful rainbows coming outta exam hall whining and blabbling about oh they made a mistake and god there's just not enough time, and the classic line to say : '' ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! . . i'm gonna fail ! '' . Please . . if you wanna complete the past year paper up to year 1800, keep it to yourselves .

Gosh, study freaks just pissed me off . But don't worry, if you know how to play after you study, hereby not means play games like board games and whatsoever children games, then you don't piss me off .

Today is the 4th December 2009 .

As i grow up and matures, the harsh reality of life is slowly falling into me . No doubt i'm still a young adult and below the lawful age of 21, recent happenings around me, and on me had made me consider and rethink about my actions .

One is getting a divorce, the other is married but relationship is going so weak, and another that is almost on the verge of a break up .

A sudden thought that i haven't been checkin on my husband's facebook made me did a logged in to his account . Ignored several stuffs while accepting some, i moved on to check his mail . Deleted some advertising mails and birthday reminders from Friendster . And an update from Friendster got me curious so i logged in his Friendster account too . Perhaps i was too sensitive . Went to his inbox and delete some expired mails as well as those getta-know-you mails he sent out to other girls and their replies .

Perhaps this is the way it should be, or it is meant to be, guys' way of thinking will forever not be in synchronize with those of girls' .

Guys think that girls can be bought or win over, with flowers, sweet talks and being nice to girls .

Guys think that saying a lie so that girls don't get hurt knowing the truth is okay .

Guys think that just looking at other pretty girls while with their girlfriends/wife is okay .

Of course, this doesn't apply to all guys, but nevertheless, it applies and is within most men, most hereby means greater or equals to 99% . Pardon me if my statistic is wrong, but based on experiences and recent happenings, this is what i can conclude .

Girls are only happy when they receive flowers and are treated nicely, because at the end of the story, sincerity is what they wanna see for future sake .

Girls rather get hurt knowing the truths, than to get hurt to a greater extent knowing their men lied to them . Truthful is utmost important .

Girls are sensitive, because we think about almost everything, especially during PMS . Looking at other girls whom are prettier by means she is not your everything - this is so simple .

No doubt that there'll be guys standing up objecting to those statements . One of the most common heard is to express being a gay if a guy doesn't look at pretty girls . I laughed at this, and i laughed hard . Scientific research shows that men and women have the same amount of sexual needs, only to the fact that women tends to hide them well . I read it from Discovery Channel Magazine or Reader's Digest i couldn't recall, but all i know is, if girls can give up looking at guys just because they have a partner, so can guys . Hide it well, do it secretly, as long as we girls don't catch you doing it, because believe it or not, even knowing the fact that our partners look at other pretty sexy girls, it hurts to the heart .

Some girls might think it's okay whatever the guy does, as long as he has them in his heart, they'll be contented . Well, i've been through those days as well, until the day my husband tidied his room and all those old school photographs or neoprints came out to sight . It does affect girls' heart, little or much, but still, shaken . Open minded girls wouldn't say much, but keeping it is indeed a sign that you still wanna remember that relationship or something like that . Correct me if i'm wrong, but as a girl, lady or some even address me as auntie, every tiny bit counts . And believe me, this kinda pinch hurt even more if what the men kept is a gift specially made from his ex-girlfriend or similar .

So much for girls versus guys .

All in all, relationships voice down to three main points - trust, truth and communication . Neither one should be neglected .

Still thinking about what to do tonight . . . boat quay ?

Today is the 2nd December 2009 . As usual, has classes .

After class today, the graduation assembly was held at the convention centre . It was a total lame thing to do, i mean, nothing is really interesting during the programme and all the while i was listening to music on my new head phone . From 3pm to 5.30pm .

Then head to Bugis with Khng for the new Goldlion job and walked around after that, went Iluma too and saw the new KTV there by K-Box group . It's called Suites, some what like a premium karaoke bar, but of course, their private rooms and they're totally so cool and design fashion styles . Walked to Dhoby Ghaut then and bought Rochor famous soya drink and i took the bus home .

You called, almost without fail everyday . I can't help but realized i was expecting your call every single day, and almost every single evening . Today, you proposed another plan to get me over for Christmas for a week .

You being overseas for a year, i treat this totally as a test upon us . Though unsaid, it's clear that you still doesn't have the full trust in me yet . I ain't surprise, with the fact of my past and current doings . It applies to me too . Having seen so many or rather too many things around me, full trust in you is just near impossible . So your departure is like a muscle tear, painful at first, but bearing is one crucial part . Soon when its healing, germs will attack, if one is not determined enough, third party will gain advantage . We're having muscle tears; both of us, so this overseas thingy of yours, is to prove that i'm able to be faithful, changed from my past . To the least, that's my goal, about you, i shall not suppose anything . Hence, my dear husband, this Christmas, we shall be physically apart but emotionally together i hope .

I'm holding myself back to so much things, the wild side of my is breaking it's chains, i'm almost at the verge . It's you i'm holding back for, so don't let me down .

Ever since i passed my driving license, i've been desperate to drive on my own . Trust me, i'm really desperate . So i went online to check out on car rentals, which didn't turn out to be cheap . Then i turn to second hand cars, which made me sigh . A friend of mine text me today asking if i'm gonna buy a wrx or rex we call it which i posted on Facebook . I laughed of course, so i told him i'm longing to and he assured me he could help me find a good second hand rex because he's driving one and got lotsa friends driving that can help me with the buying . How i wish, really, it's like a dream to discuss about the car i'm gonna get, but it soon ended when i told him it's just another day dream of mine . He then brought me back to think of EG6 which i once thought of . It's really tempting . And i really begin to wonder . . .

That shall be my next goal .

Today is the 1st December 2009 . It's the month of Christmas, yet, my love it far from me .

Some expired photos .

Went Powerhouse the other day with Jason for a drink and my sister happened to be there too, so we clubbed together .

Sorry if i'm too ugly, that's why i'm trying to cover up my face .

Nah, just afraid that the camera flash might catch my red face because i'm drinking .

A bitchy face i've got, photo with my sister .

Yeah, so today was another day . Had three hours break and went Bugis with the clique . Poor Nathan got no seats on board the train so he was sitting by the door . Haha .

So then we went to a few places, and i decided to get myself a new ear phone because the current one is producing a sss sound whenever i play my MP3 . So i thought it's time to get it changed . Head to Iluma - Headphones Gallery to look for one with my budget of $30 . So then, i tried and tried and my budget moves from $30 to $50 to $80 . Finally, i bought one that cost $99, but the sales associate gave me a 10% discount . =)

Excellent bass with good quality sound, and louder, external noise 95% covered when songs are playing . GOOD !

Yeah, so much of me spending like an idiot . Had dinner with my parents and younger sis at New York New York the other day as my elder sister is the Assistant Manager at the outlet for the day . We had Yankee Burger to share, but if you think you alone can finish every bit of the huge burger, it's for free . =) . One of their promotions .

Had some pictures on my last day at work at Butterfly Park & Insect Kingdom at Sentosa .

Pheasant with damaged left leg . This pheasant would sometimes hop to me and make some funny noises in the throat, not the kind where by it showed that it dislike me, but somehow like trying to tell me something ? Yeah, always hope near me and stay for quite a while . =)

One of the mating position of butterflies .

This one is super weak when i found her, almost left with some last moments until some young stupid malay girls grabbing it from me and throw it in the air when it's already too weak to fly . It totally dropped to the floor and nowhere to be found ! Stupid malay ! So playful that she killed one poor butterfly . Not trying to be exaggerating here over a small life, but still it's a life .

Giant millipedes i have to catch everytime i work . And notice my thumb, index finger and middle finger, that's what happen when you catch a millipede when it doesn't want you to . . some stains they will have on their body, but then again, it's totally harmless .

Some rare species of butterflies .

Yeap, that's all for today, gonna turn in now . =) . Night people, night to the world, night to my lovely husband, night to myself hopefully .